Justice's Setlist Explained FINAL (SPOILER ALERT)

WARNING: Before you go any further, this post explains why I chose the songs I did for the novel, Justice: A love story, part one. If you haven’t read the book, but want to, then DO NOT READ this. It contains tons of spoilers.

For those of you who have read Justice and are curious as to why I chose the songs I did for the novel, then read on...

Music will do the same. A great book with a great playlist? Sign me up!

When I sat down to write Justice, I knew that it had to be set in the ‘90s. To get in the mood, I started listening to my favorite songs from that era of my life. This story opens on Halloween 1992 and ends in early February 1996. So I researched what songs were most popular from 1992-1996. As I was doing this, I got an idea—why not make each chapter title a song from that era? I picked songs that set the mood of the scene, or are mentioned in the scene, or playing in the scene, essentially bringing the story to life via song.

As I wrote, the songs began to weave a story themselves, some even worked as foreshadowing future scenes, especially when I linked them together. Some were chosen because they captured the inner life of the character whose POV you’re in, others because they moved me while I was writing, and some because I wanted to honor a friend of mine from that time. I created a list called Justice and started throwing songs in there all willynilly. With time, I’d choose one and write the scene. This became the novel setlist. In the end, I love this setlist and listened to it over and over as I edited the manuscript and the story formed into the final version you now have in your hands.

Since so many of you have asked me why I picked the songs I did, it only makes sense to give you a little guide to the soundtrack of Grace, Justice, and Erik’s story. Here it is, a song guide to Justice: A love story, part one. I’d love to hear what you think.

Given there are 49 chapters in the book, which means 49 songs, I’m splitting this up into four posts. No one can read something that’s too long anymore, right?

This is part four covering Chapter Thirty-Five to the end of the novel. To read about the songs in the rest of the book, read PART ONE and PART TWO and PART THREE.

You can listen to the setlist on Spotify here.

Chapter Thirty-Five: Broken-Hearted Savior, Big Head Todd and the Monsters, First Released 1993

Erik continues to serve the homeless in the shelter, even without Grace. While contemplating the pain he feels, understanding that Grace may pick Justy over him in the end, he gets a call from Kat. She’s attempted to overdose. He rushes to save her and save her he does, yet she pays him back with the harsh truth that he’s ruined everything by sending Grace back into Justy’s arms. Truly, Erik is our broken-hearted savior, hence this is the perfect song for him. Besides, the guitar solo in this song is amazing.

Chapter Thirty-Six: All I Want for Christmas Is You, Mariah Carey, First Released 1994

I don’t think you can have a playlist from the ‘90s without Mariah and her Christmas album in 1994 is STILL a classic. Besides, even if he’s not sure he’s ready for the commitment, Justy knows all he wants for Christmas is Grace.

Chapter Thirty-Seven: The World I Know, Collective Soul, First Released 1995

 It’s mid-January in Chicago. The sky is gray, and has been since Thanksgiving, and Grace has returned from yet another weekend in sunny Florida with Justy. Regardless, she realizes in this scene that leaving Chicago to follow Justy might be more difficult than she’d imagined. Yet, remaining in Chicago without Erik hurts too much. Here we see the conflict between Grace’s heart, mind, and body. Each man represents a different part of her, but Erik is the world she has known, the world she loves, and she knows she must do something about it.

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Mary Jane’s Last Dance, Tom Petty, First Released 1993

It’s Grace’s birthday and Kat and Kelly have thrown her a party. This is the first time she’s seen Erik since he told her to “get Justy out of her system.” Why this song? This scene is about Grace’s feelings for Erik, the way she feels in his presence, and he’s a Tom Petty guy, remember? Also, I had to include this song for my girls 😉

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Better Man, Pearl Jam, First Released 1994

Justy knows Grace still loves Erik, but he refuses to give in and lose. Instead, he’s more determined than ever to make her his. Justy’s solution: Propose. He stays an extra day, gets a reservation at the Signature Room on the top of the John Hancock building, brings Grace to work and tells her to be home by six, then goes shopping for a ring. Tiffany’s no less. Why this song? He thinks he’s a better man, hence the title. He’s going to do what’s right. However, there’s also this line that I think applies, “She lies and says she’s in love with him...” I’m not sure Grace loves Justy, I think she still loves the idea of him, a man who could exist, sometimes exists, but doesn’t really exist...yet.

Chapter Forty: You Oughta Know, Alanis Morrisette, First Released 1995

This is the only chapter where Kat speaks. Yes, I’ve had a few readers complain about this fact. They wanted more of her or thought I’d left her to be a one-note character. Kat is anything but a one-note character. She is the current behind the entire story and the reason you only got one chapter in her POV is because that’s all she gave me. I’m a character driven writer...they show up and I literally channel their story. Seat of the pants, baby. Which is why when she wanted to speak, I was surprised, but there were things she wanted you to know, because she thought you oughta know them. Thus, Alanis Morrisette’s classic is Kat’s song—the screaming, painful anthem of all young women in the ‘90s that knew what it was like to be used for their bodies and then tossed away. To be fair, Kat was not a victim, she was the main driver of much of her lustful behavior, but still, she was broken when Justy used her when they were kids and remained broken until her last breath. Here’s the thing she really wants you to know...she honestly thought she was the best friend in the world to Erik each time she seduces Justy in this story. She truly died thinking she was the hero.

Chapter Forty-One: Hurt, Nine Inch Nails, First Released 1994

At this point in the story, Justy is no longer an REM guy; rather, Trent Reznor is more his style. This darker side of Gen X has a distinct purpose, and in this chapter, I felt this song of self-betrayal, of understanding the depths of our own sinful nature and hating ourselves for it, fit the bill. Justy has done it again, and this time his hate sex with Kat will ruin it all. Grace will never forgive him for this, he knows it. I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that’s real...But why did he do it? Part whiskey and cocaine, there’s no doubt about it, yet what he did with Kat was self-destructive, a punishment of sorts, because deep down, Justy knows Grace is about to break up with him. He saw the way she looked at Erik at the party, senses she’s not 100% committed, no matter what she says. He wasn’t ready to propose to her; he was simply going to do it to win the game against Erik. To get her away from Chicago faster. When she chooses to work late over him, he succumbs to the part of him that is darkest, the self-loathing part of him, who knows she’s working herself up the courage to break up with him, which she is, dear reader. Grace has chosen Erik, Kat’s not wrong, she simply hasn’t found a way to do it, partially because she doesn’t want to hurt Justy, no one likes breaking up with the other. For Justice Sloan, it’s always easier to break up with the girl before she dumps him, because it’s easier for him to hurt himself than it is to allow someone to hurt him. What have I become? My sweetest friend? Everyone I know goes away in the end.

Chapter Forty-One: Bittersweet, Big Head Todd and the Monsters, First Released 1993

Again, this song was picked mostly for its title, but also the excellent guitar solo. This scene where Kat executes her final plan—kicking Grace out of the house so that Kat can take her own life—is bittersweet. Bitter because Kat is supposed to be Grace’s friend. Bitter because Justy has left Grace, and she knows Kat knows why, yet instead of an explanation, Kat gives her pain. Bitter because Grace honestly should have seen all of this coming, but was so consumed with her own boy drama, she has failed Kat and herself. Yet it is also sweet, because as Grace puts it, she may have lost her best friend and her boyfriend, but she was on her way to Erik’s and that made her happier than she’d been in months. Someone asked me the other day if Erik was merely a second choice for Grace. No. He is the choice, the one Grace wants, and it’s this moment, while standing in front of St. Clements on a freezing cold Tuesday morning in January, that Grace KNOWS this without a doubt. Not simply because Justy left her, but because her heart is singing and she is finally free. That indeed is bittersweet.

Chapter Forty-Three: Lightning Crashes, Live, First Released 1994

This song suggests the circle of life is the most powerful force in the world. New life arriving, old life dying. New stories forming, old stories ending. Grace has professed her love for Erik, she’s made her choice, and as she settles into the comfort of his kitchen, the comfort of his love, the comfort of this new story, Deidre calls and they get the news—Kat has taken her life. As she realizes that her life has upended yet again, Grace runs to the bathroom and gets sick, the new life within her making himself known, even if she is completely unaware. Oh now  feel it, coming back again. Like the rolling thunder chasin’ the wind. Forces pullin’ from the center of the earth again. I can feel it.

Chapter Forty-Four: Far Behind, Candlebox, First Released 1993

In part, this song is because Grace has left Justice behind and he has left her, but really, it’s Justice’s reaction to the news that Kat killed herself. I’ve always thought this song was about someone committing suicide, it’s the song of survivors, the ones left behind. Now maybe, I didn’t mean to treat you bad, but I did it anyway. And maybe, some would say your life was sad, but you lived it anyway...But someday, people look at you for what they call their own, they watch you suffer, yeah they hear you calling home. He believes he’s the reason she’s dead, and he’s not wrong. In response, he flees to the open sea for a month and misses the call from Grace that would change his life forever. He’ll have to wait six years to learn the truth of what he’s left behind.

Chapter Forty-Five: Little Earthquakes, Tori Amos, First Released 1992

Several times I mention Tori Amos in the story. Both Kat and Grace are fans. Kat has this album playing on her CD player when Erik arrives to save her the first time she tries to take her life but chickens out and calls her white knight. Grace is wearing a Tori Amos t-shirt in the scene where she confesses she’s no longer a virgin. I had to include her in some way, and this song fit the scene where Erik helps Grace move out of Deming Place. The scene where she puts back on her cross necklace, confesses to Deidre that Kat and Alessandro were lovers, and then faces Kat’s ghost alone, lying on shards of plates on the cold kitchen floor, realizing she’d been selfish, that she’d forgotten all about Kat, and that she was so, so sorry. I hate, and I hate, and I hate, the way we fight, they way I’m left here, silent. Ohoh, these little earthquakes. Here we go again. Ohoh, these little earthquakes. Doesn’t take much to rip us into pieces.

Chapter Forty-Six: Head Over Feet, Alanis Morrisette, First Released 1994

I often wondered how this song fit in the storyline of Jagged Little Pill. Most of that album is about the way a girl is taken advantage of by the world of music, a world Kat was very much a part of, being a record company heiress. Song after song on this album fed the anger inside of me when I was in my twenties, and yet, there was this love song about falling heat over feet with a good man, and I had to use it because Erik is that good man we all dream of. The white knight who we simply can’t help loving. Our best friend with benefits. I’ve never felt this healthy before, I’ve never wanted something rational. Grace has chosen Erik and now, after months of torture, he has won his prize, only his prize is pregnant with the douchebag’s kid. Being the better man, Erik is ready to face this with her. To be the child’s father, to remain by her side through thick and thin. He asks her to be his wife, and she enthusiastically says yes. You’ve already won me over, in spite of me, and don’t be alarmed that I fall, head over feet. And don’t be surprised that I love you, for all that you are. I couldn’t help it; it’s all your fault! But what to do about Justice?

Chapter Forty-Seven: Down In a Hole, Alice In Chains, First Released 1992

Justice finally finds the balls to return to the world, only to discover that in the month he’s been out to sea, Grace has gone and married Erik. Why did they marry so fast? Only a month ago, she was offering to move to Florida with him, now she’s Mrs. Watson? We know why she chose Erik, we also know they married quickly so everyone would think the baby is his. Justice, however, doesn’t know this. He only knows that he was bad and needed time to get his head straight and in the meantime, Grace has left him. Bury me softly in this womb. I give this part of me for you...If she’d just been dating Erik, Justice would have returned to fight for her, I believe this. Because she was married, he knew he’d lost and could never get her back. Down in a hole and I don’t know if I can be saved. See my heart, I decorate it like a grave.

Chapter Forty-Eight: Iris, The Goo Goo Dolls, First Released 1998

The final chapter. The epilogue. People often say if you need a prologue or an epilogue, you’re a bad writer. Whatever. Six years later, Justice can’t move on. He can’t find peace. His girlfriend, Lindsey (note how he went back to her), has left him because he’s too cold. He hopes that by confessing to Grace that he’d slept with Kat, both in college and on that fateful night in 1996, he might be able to move on. He never considers the upheaval he’d cause in her home. He doesn’t even know she’s a mother until he sees her in the front yard of her McMansion, very pregnant and singing beside a little girl with hair the color of honey. He probably should have left without a word, but he doesn’t. And I’d give up forever to touch you, ‘cause I know that you feel me somehow. You’re the closest to heaven that I’ve ever been, and I don’t want to go home right now. He confesses, he tells her the truth, and then he learns she has her own truth, something she’s hidden from him for six years. Someone she’s tried to claim as Erik’s. A little boy, with dark hair and a crooked smile. Well you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming, or the moment of truth in your lies...

To Be Continued in Grace: A love story, part two.